Obviously, the best way to gain trust and readership is to write some junk, cry about your life, get thousands of hits in one day, and then don't tell anyone anything so they think maybe you went and drank glass.
...Right? Or is that just how I do things?
I had trouble getting on and writing all weekend, alternately because things were so good or bad. When I was enjoying myself, I didn't want to waste any of it by sinking back into the computer and wasting the good time with my family.
When I wasn't enjoying myself, which was also frequent this weekend, I was way too busy sinking inside myself.
Today was my first day in the program. It was...ok. I talked a lot about my relationship with Nik, and the things I discussed made me feel better about us. I spent 9AM-1PM in therapy with a psychologist and a middle-aged woman with a similar diagnosis. Most of it felt pretty cathartic. It was exhausting after the first two hours, but it went by pretty quickly.
Then I participated in a "creative writing for recovery" workshop that, while a bit campy, I enjoyed. On for a fast and dirty 15 minute meet-and-greet with my new psychiatrist. I laid it out and told him that I'd been off my medication for several weeks. We reviewed a couple options, and finally settled on two with which I'm only vaguely uncomfortable. The side effects are relatively mild, but with one comes a new diagnosis and a new set of symptoms and mental reckoning. The next couple days look promising, and I'm still hoping that this is the beginning of the end.
I'll be honest - I hate writing the "Depression" blog. I wanted this blog to be mostly funny and stupid, a source of amusement for my small circle of readers, but it's grown. Both within it's readership and it's subject, it's grown. I made a deal with myself to be honest, here. Why write a personal blog if it was going to be abridged and censored? So I apologize to those who come here for the funny and get As My Insanity Turns instead. The next couple weeks may not look much different. Things are still funny, life is still silly, but I have a hard time concentrating on that lately. I promise though, that the next time I attempt to move a TV, or my son learns a new show tune, or, UGH, I take the Christmas decorations down and strangle myself (accidentally!) with half burnt out Christmas lights, you'll hear all about that. I also want to make a better effort at getting some pictures up here, improving the layout, but we'll take all that shit as it comes.
In the meantime, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, thank you for not telling me that I suck at life and I should drink Drano.
I am so proud of you, Kate. You are doing something that will help you in the long run -- and help you with Nik and Donovan. You are a smart, brave, awesome lady that deserves all the happiness in the world.
Don't hold back anything. Talk, talk, talk and heal, heal, heal.
Hugs!
Posted by: marni | January 23, 2008 at 07:54 AM
hi there... i just wanted to say i did find you through the advice smackdown and way to go taking care of yourself and your family. i know that's oversimplified, but really... good for you. i love finding a new blog that's both funny and real and i can totally identify w/ your sarcasm and am really enjoying your writing. thanks for sharing, i guess! i'll keep reading...
Posted by: judi | January 23, 2008 at 11:42 AM
I wanted to you to know I added your blog to My favorites - You're writing is great but more importantly, just know that there is one more person pulling for you and wishing you better days ahead. My husband has been battling depression for as long as I've known him. It never goes away but 95% of the time it doesn't interfere with our lives, and generally makes him funnier and more interesting than most (although often with the snide remarks, which are usually funny but tend to piss off some people....) It's benn mostly just a matter of finding the right meds (pretty much tried them all before getting to the right one) and having people who love you close by. Sounds like you are (at least) halfway there. All the best to you.
Posted by: Christina | January 23, 2008 at 01:50 PM
I'm glad you're OK. Really, you are. This will pass. Times like this shake us up a bit and remind us to live more purposefully. Do things that used to make you happy. Do them instead of doing anything else. Laughter might not be the best medicine but it's pretty good stuff. I wish you well.
Posted by: mrs hannigan | January 24, 2008 at 12:07 PM