Making a life-changing decision that you can't take back is like standing on the precipice of an enormous cliff. The path that led you there has caved and closed - it's no longer an option. Behind you lies greener grass, happier days, a path of tranquility and peace and puppies and bunnies and whatever else signifies comfort and happiness. However, below you lies an endless drop...the decline of your lifestyle, your relationships, your world. The wind is whipping around you, pushing you, pulling you, all at once against you and apart of you. Which way will your new choice lead you? Will you walk the greener path? Or will you fall?

Because I needed to do something on Friday, I left work early. This all but guarantees I'll be let go on Monday. Knowing this, and knowing I'm nearing the end of the best job I've had to date is scaring the holy bejesus out of me. I know I made a choice and I am comfortable with it, but with such a new life looming in front of me, and reminders that nothing ever works as planned around every corner, I'm scared.

My fear, however, is of the exhilarated variety. The kind you get when you're ascending the hill of a rollercoaster, wondering whether your stomach can handle the drop. The kind that's both scary and exciting. First date scary, new school scary...it's all about firsts and beginnings, isn't it? This could be the beginning of an entirely new life, a new me, and boy is that nerve-wracking.

Anyone else out there have a hard time dealing with brand new things? How do you deal?

Comments

[Renee in Seattle]

Mostly I like change, unless it is not something in my control, like an unexpected layoff or death or something.

But I must say, that any job that will terminate employment because you left work early ONE day? Not the Best Job Ever, and I'm excited for you to go out and find your new Best Job Ever which will blow your last Best Job Ever out of the water and make you look back and think, "I cannot believe I thought that was the Best Job Ever." With one exception, every new job I have ever gotten has been infinitely better than the last. The exception is fodder for blogs and movie scripts.

[Jackie]

Okay, I know exactly what you're talking about, although I have never been able to put it into words so well. I have been on the verge of leaving my husband for at least 2 years now, but I am so scared to jump off that cliff. If it was only me to worry about, I would do it, would have done it long ago, but do I want to bring my kids over the edge with me, have them leave their innocent childhood behind???

[Charlise]

You know, whenever I am faced with new and scary...I tend to practically wet myself. I get all wound up, hyperventilate, wonder what I was getting myself into when I agreed to whatever I am throttling toward. And then? I just deal. I don't even know how, but I just plow through it. I equate it to a horror house, where I sort of close my eyes a bit and keep walking so that I can get out already. Once through, I am proud of myself and happy it is over.