Obviously, I'm still looking for a hobby.

I don't think I've posted so frequently in the entire run of this site. This is what unemployment does to you - it gives you a ton of time to consider foolish things, and because everyone else you know is doing important shit like working, you really have no where else to turn with your meanderings. My husband is probably thrilled I keep this blog, it means less time HE has to listen to this shit.

I am not the type of woman who enjoys being pregnant. I know that everyone woman has complaints about the toll it takes on their emotions and their bodies, but it always seems like they have enough of those "..but I feel so womanly and empowered!" moments to balance it out. I really have none of that.

I either have the worst case of amnesia when it comes to my pregnancy with Donovan, or it just really wasn't too eventful. I'm going to go with the latter - I vividly remember the emotional climate and the things that happened DURING my pregnancy, I just don't remember having much to complain about physically. I gained a fuck-ton of weight (I packed on 65lbs of unadultered FAT [even a 9lb baby should not make you that big of a whale]) but other than that, I'm pretty sure it was cake.

And the thing is, this time, and a bunch of women I know HATE me for this, I probably really don't have anything to complain about either. I don't get morning sickness. Apparently, the vague nausea I experience on and off for a month or two isn't even enough to dig me out of the 5% of women who do not experience any morning sickness. I have no health problems related to pregnancy (all my bullshit problems have been totally unrelated and just complicated by pregnancy).  My blood pressure has stayed beautifully low, I only experienced sciatica for a brief spell in my second trimester, I don't have a lot of problems with swelling, I don't experience the "pregnancy mask." Even my weight gain has held pretty well this time around - a respectable 28lbs as of my last appointment.

I'm not an unattractive pregnant woman this time around. My weight gain has been almost entirely in my torso (spare a little extra chunk on my legs), my face isn't bigger, my arms aren't doing that flabby thing...I'm really pretty fucking lucky. (I do, however, reserve the right to take all of this best in the next 6 weeks, as I do remember suddenly being very DUMPY and FAT looking in the face in my last two weeks with Donovan.)

But despite all these blessings, dude. I HATE being pregnant. HATE IT. Sure, I'm psyched about getting a baby out of the whole shebang,  and it's definitely been nice experiencing it with my husband, who, despite my whining in the first trimester, has been pretty fucking awesome about the whole thing, but all in all, I am definitely in this shit for the end goal, the journey be fucked.

I am a girl who likes her body to be her own. I like margaritas. I like cigarettes. I like nights of uninterrupted sleep. And while I know that infants don't really mesh well with that last part, I am so fucking anxious to be awoken by crying rather than blinding pain in my hips cuz I can't get into a comfortable position to save my life. I like being able to lift heavy shit and bend over and get off the couch without utilizing the help of my floor, coffee table and husband (all at once, it's comedy gold for everyone except me). I like being able to sit on the floor with my kid without losing all feeling in the lower half of my body.

I know that I'm supposed to close this out with a bunch of Hallmark declarations about how "but even with all that, I'm so happy to be pregnant! I'm so proud of my body!" but dude...that shit would be so false. I hate this. I can't wait for it to be over.  I am anxiously awaiting labor with zero trepidation of the pain and physical hardship because man, once those contractions have me screaming at the top of my lungs, I know the end is in site. Besides, that's what they make epidurals for.

Comments

[TiA]

Hot damn girl if you don't have me laughing my ass off over here! I LOVE the fact that you're baldly honest about how you feel about pregnancies. Granted with my two pregnancies I was emo and totally puppies, rainbows and rosepetals shit. But deep in my heart I refused to admit to anyone that DAMN I CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS SHIT OVER! Pregnancy took the joy out of so many simple things like hiking with my kid or a simple game of twister. And don't even talk about sex. Who are these freaks that enjoy nookie while feeling like a beached whale?

Bring on the drinks, asprin products and beautiful thrill of being to sleep on your stomach again.